When my first child Caradoc was born (6.2.02) it was of course wonderful to become a mother with a beautiful healthy big baby boy, but the birth itself was very disappointing for me. Throughout the pregnancy I had been very focused on remaining fit, concentrating on my ‘optimal foetal positioning’, and aiming for a natural and active birth. I read lots of books, and attended active birth yoga classes, and was hoping for a fulfilling and wonderful birth, hopefully in water, in a local midwife-run birth centre. But in reality was happened was quite different - I went two weeks overdue, by which stage the hospital had pressured me into an induction. So I had to bypass the midwife unit completely, went into hospital for the induction, while my husband was sent home …. And it all began to happen very fast which I found very frightening, and I left it very late before asking for him to be called in, because I was in a bit of a state and not thinking properly. By the time he arrived I was really panicking about not coping and I ended up doing everything I’d hoped to avoid – I had pethidine because I thought that at least with that I might be able to remain active (unlike with an epidural) but it did nothing at all for me, so I had an epidural too, which of course made it difficult to keep upright and moving. I dilated fully and pushed for over an hour but the baby just wasn’t descending enough and I ended up having to have a caesarean, which I felt very very disappointed about.

When I became pregnant with Martha, all the negative feelings about Caradoc’s birth came back with a real vengeance, and I became very frightened about being ‘pushed’ into having another caesarean just because I’d had to have one the first time. I spoke to midwives and specialists in a couple of local hospitals (as of course the midwife-run unit refused to take me for this second birth because I’d had a caesarean and they were very jittery about the risk of ‘scar rupture’) – and the story was always the same – they too seemed obsessed with the risk of scar rupture – which is of course a real risk, but no more likely than the various other complications that can arise in any birth, like cord prolapse for example. And as a result they said they wouldn’t let me labour in water, they would want me to be constantly monitored on the electronic foetal monitoring machine (which I’d found very claustrophobic and restrictive during Caradoc’s birth), and they probably would want to stick a venflon in my vein for the duration of the labour – ‘just in case the worst happened and all my veins collapsed). All this filled me with horror ! I did a lot of research on the internet, and weighed up the risks and benefits of the different birth scenarios that might happen, and I decided that for me personally, the benefit of being in a relaxed, unintrusive and less medical environment for my birth would make me far more likely to labour effectively. If I could avoid having lots of people fussing round me, plugging me into machines etc, and if I could be just allowed to ‘get on with it’ and to keep active, I felt this would make a normal birth much more likely – and therefore all the very close monitoring would be – hopefully – fairly unnecessary. So I decided that the type of birth scenario that the hospitals were describing was not for me.

I had been thinking about independent midwives and doulas, and decided to look into these options – but my concern about independent midwives was that they would only deliver a baby at home, and I wasn’t sure I felt completely comfortable with this. If I’d had a normal birth with Caradoc, I am sure I would have seriously considered a home birth second time around, but given what had happened with him, I was pretty nervous about being at home for the second as I didn’t feel comfortable with living about 40 mins away from the nearest hospital. But when I contacted Lynn and found out that she sometimes delivered babies in hospitals, I became very interested, and even more so when she told me about how a hospital that I hadn’t yet investigated was very keen on reducing unnecessary caesareans, would often allow ‘people like me’ to labour in water, and also it was where she’d trained and she had a contract for delivering babies there. This seemed to be the perfect solution to my problems, and we decided to go for it!

So Lynn came to our home to all my antenatal checks, and there was no rushing through things, we had loads of time to get to know each other at each appointment, and she really made me feel at ease, and made me believe that ‘I could do it’. As the due date approached, I was terrified about going overdue again, but in fact the morning after my due date things started to happen at about 5.30, with contractions every 5 mins, and by 8 a.m. it was already getting fairly intense and Lynn had arrived at our house ready for us to go in convoy to the hospital. We shot off down the dual carriageway – the hospital was a good 45 minutes away, and I have to say I did NOT enjoy the drive very much ! Once we’d parked, we all leapt out of the cars and Lynn took us straight in. She’d phoned ahead to reserve the room with the pool so we just marched straight in - though I had a horrible contraction on the way, as the lift doors opened, much to the alarm of the people waiting for it ! I got into the pool immediately, and from then on it was just us – just me, my husband and Lynn. I didn’t see anyone else the entire time – as far as I was concerned it was just like if we’d been at home. I laboured in the water for about an hour, with Lynn checking my pulse, and the baby’s heartrate, at fairly frequent intervals, and when I felt I couldn’t go on she quietly encouraged me and made me believe I COULD do it. Then my waters broke, so I got out of the pool so we could refill it, and by this stage I was starting to want to push and to my surprise I found I wanted to stay out of the water – that way I could brace myself against things more easily for pushing. I was pushing against the steps up to the pool, but next door in the bedroom Lynn put the mattress on the floor against a chair and made it all comfortable … Unfortunately I couldn’t envisage how I was actually going to get into that room, despite my husband saying how comfortable it looked in there !! – I obviously looked very uncomfortable crouching over the steps to the pool, although in fact it worked quite well for me! Then somehow I made it into the bedroom, and there continued to push – it was very hard work, even once I’d pushed the head out. But finally, at 11.30 a.m. Martha was born, and Lynn gave her straight to me, and she started to feed almost straight away. I held her and looked at her – and as I’d planned, it was me who got to find out she was a little girl. We waited for the cord to empty, and then I delivered the placenta naturally, and it was all over. I got back into the pool with her and we had a lovely bath, and I had the best cup of tea I’d ever had !!

Later Lynn had to stitch me up a bit, and she went out to do the paperwork, and then we went out to the car and came home! It was amazing - like checking into a hotel for a meeting and then just going straight home again afterwards !! And I didn’t have to deal with any one else, it was just us all the time. She came to see us every day for the next few days and then regularly until six weeks, which was brilliant, and when she finally ‘discharged’ me it was very sad, - the end of an era !!

Things are going great with Martha – she’s quite a bit more difficult than her brother was at this age in terms of night feeds etc, - but people are always saying how alert she is and of course how beautiful she is !! – and I’ve felt incredibly positive since she was born because of how the birth went so brilliantly. Of course it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was also the most fantastic, and Lynn made it all happen!
I don’t know yet if I’ll have another baby, but if I do I think I’ll have to go to Lynn again – she inspired me with the confidence to give birth naturally after a very negative experience the first time, and I can’t imagine doing it again without her !!